Read previous posts to catch up…

Part 1 – Family , Part 2 – Religious, Part 3 – Society

So I’ve told you a few tales of what it is like being a girl. I tried to pick stories that would be fairly common to most girls. I wanted to do this series so that we could take a closer look at the events in our lives that have had a hand in shaping us. These attitudes and actions had a profound affect on my life, it changed my course.

My first reaction to the realization of this change in course is anger. And that’s a right emotion for a time. It’s okay to be angry about injustice. In fact it is necessary. Without the acknowledgement of wrongs done against us we will never be able to move forward and really objectively evaluate the parts of ourselves that are still operating out of brokenness.

For example, my feminist tendencies in high school, were in large part born out of brokenness. I was confused about being a girl, I saw it as a negative thing, so I swung the other way. I was living in reaction. I would have declared at that time, I didn’t want to be married, I didn’t want children, and I would never be a pastor’s wife. These things may not be bad in of themselves, but for me I felt that way because other’s broken actions towards me.

When I examine the brokenness of my own life, how it was brought about by other’s brokenness, I am able to redefine my life. I am able to say with honesty I do want to be a wife. I do want to have children. Being a pastor’s wife would suit me just fine (still not really a life goal, but I’m open). I don’t have to view these things through the lens of my own bad experiences, I can view them objectively. I don’t have to live in reaction to my life, I can break the cycle.

While in the process of discovering this, I felt a huge relief. It was like both parts of my heart rejoined my body and I was entirely less conflicted. I could be a girl, I could want the things women want, those natural feelings didn’t have to conflict with my personality.

I also discovered that not all my personality is affected my this brokenness. My natural leadership ability is God given. My ability to comprehend, analyze and interpret is a gift to the body of Christ. Just because that is typically more male, doesn’t mean that I wasn’t supposed to be that way. Another sigh of relief.

I wanted to share this journey with you all, male, female alike. I see this same struggle around me with guys and girls. It comes back to the same agonizing aching question, Who was I made to be? Why am I like this? These are hard questions to answer, but it’s possible to really sort through all of it and find pieces of ourselves and put them back together. We can’t undo other’s actions, we can’t go back in time, but we can chose to live differently, to embrace living in wholeness, and reject the parts in which we still live like crippled people.

I’ve loved all of your feedback and commentary. I am so encouraged by it. Sorry this has taken so long to get out, each of these segments have taken an hour or so to write.

Love you all